Inspiration: Star Trek: The Original Series

I've seen 'Star Trek: Into Darkness' four times because I pick 1-2 movies every summer and try my hardest to get out of seeing any others. I like the Trek reboots because they combine two of my favorite things: trashy action movies and Star Trek. They also make me want to rewatch TOS. So, I've been doing a lot of that.

One thing I had completely forgotten about was that their uniforms are velour. And this is a problem, because I fucking love velour. It's my second-biggest guilty pleasure fabric, right after velvet. The biggest trouble with velour is that it cannot be worn in any context whatsoever. You cannot wear velour without looking at least a little bit like a 14-year-old who has arbitrarily declared certain accessories to be "her thing" and therefore off-limits to her friends.

So, what I'm saying is... by all means, wear velour, but be crafty about it. Be aware that you're wearing one of the least socially acceptable fabrics available for purchase because the characters on one of the least socially acceptable shows to watch were forced to wear it, and go from there. And please, please, step away from the tracksuit.

Option 1: Hipstering (chickening) out

This is the Starfleet-iest looking shirt I could find that isn't an actual Starfleet shirt:

American Apparel, $46

Observe how they don't even try to make it look good on the model, whose literal job is to make clothes look good. That's because this shirt is neither attractive nor fashion-forward enough to get away with not being attractive. You could maybe, maybe save it with 5" heels and tuxedo-cut slacks or black skinny jeans, and oh boy am I dying to try. But it would be kind of weird-looking for work, so you'd have to wear it out with friends or something, where you could totally rock it... as long as you're cool with everyone thinking it's an ironic sort of thing.

Option 2: Try to pass it off as posh

You're not fashion-challenged, just fashion forward. Way forward. Like, 23rd-century forward. If you paid enough money for it and it looks good on you, who's anyone to tell you you're not? I wouldn't wear any of this to da club, but the pants might be cute for brunch and the dress might be cute for dinner with someone you're not trying to trick out of money or into sex.

Citizens of Humanity, now $95

McQ, $395

Option 3: Never leave the house

Nobody can tell you what to wear when you're sipping brandy and hitting up Netflix, and someday you'll find someone who loves you for you and your embarrassing clothing, but obvs still has a fantastic wardrobe himself, tons of money, and abs.

Juicy Couture, $98

Juicy Couture, $118

Live long and prosper, bitches.